Coming off my meds #4

'Sup,

Not a whole lot to say this week unfortunately. I've been back on the 30mg Propranolol for about a week now and I'm fine, still overly happy on most days.

I'm grateful for what I have but by god has this Christmas been a tough one, I've never quite known isolation like it. You think a dog doesn't make that much difference to a house but not seeing him rip open his presents on Christmas Day was hard.

That being said I've had a lovely time but I'm glad to get back into the swing of working at Uni. It helps keep my mind off how difficult this medication situation is.

Hopefully I'll have another stab at coming off the Propranolol starting early/mid January when I have support around me and once I've got most of my work done. Then if worst comes to worst I won't be or end up behind.

Also, happy new year bitches.

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Coming off my meds #3

'Sup,

Bollocks. Today was a major setback in coming off my medication. As of Wednesday I was clear of Propranlol and for about 12 hours I was so happy I'd achieved that.

Then shit started unravelling fast, I'd never felt so ill in my life and tbh I don't want to go into details because if it upset my family, it will probably upset you (if you have a heart, if not feel free to ask haha).

I had bloods done on Thursday which came back relatively fine (apparently my liver functioning was slightly abnormal but I'd putting that down to student alcoholism) which unfortunately narrowed it down to being a consequence of the lack of medication.

What sucks about my condition and taking meds for it is that my mind can feel ready to come off them but my body is like nah mate, not happening.

So I've had to temporarily go back on the Propranolol (I'm doing 30mg, which wasn't my original dosage, as it's enough to stop the side effects of coming off). Hopefully I'll be able to have another stab at it after New Year when I've got more company.

It's been harder than I thought coming off my medication with no one around, I've had to deal with my own head for the first time in a long time. It probably wasn't the best time however I'm not looking at it as a failure and its prepared me to do it a second time and do it better.

Also, because I'm clearly a narcissist who loves talking about herself (well not this), a few people have asked-

"Sophie, what the f- is wrong with you?"

Well my dear friends- this.

"GAD is a long-term condition that causes you to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than one specific event"

Basically my body doesn't produce the chemicals it should so the weirdest things cause me to be anxious. I can't naturally deal with situations as well as everybody else however I'm lucky that I'm at a point where I can function normally and I have to say I'm very happy and content with my life and I'm blessed to have some great family and friends.

I'm not giving up, I've faced a lot worse than a little anxiety disorder and I'm confident that it will not define me. If you know me then remember me as Sophie, the girl who got kicked out of MONO or Sophie, the girl who aggressively snapped a bingo pen and got covered in green ink, not Sophie with the anxiety disorder.

I'll update you when we go for "Coming off Propranolol: The Sequel"

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Coming off my meds #2

'Sup,

Two weeks in and things are going well. Of course its been difficult, when people say coming off long term medication is hard, they aren't joking.

What is good is that, mood-wise at least, I'm feeling great. I'm not struggling with anxiety etc., it's just the physical side effects of coming off the Propranolol that is difficult.

One potential side effect is death apparently, thankfully I haven't experienced that but I have experienced chest pains which has been a bitch. I've got a relatively high pain threshold (hence the tattoos) but these chest pains weren't fun at all.

This happened about five days after I dropped my dosage from 40mg to 20mg. I was doing fine but went back up to 30mg for a few days just while I got over the chest pain. Now I'm back down to 20mg, minimal chest pain and I'm kicking Propranolol's arse.

I went to the doctors on Friday when the pain was at its worst, just to double check everything was ok and I'm doing fine.

I'm hoping to drop the dosage further to 10mg by next week and hopefully be off Propranolol the week after.

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Coming off my Meds #1

'Sup

I'm resurrecting this blog to use as a place to document the journey that I am now on. Starting this past Monday, I am coming off the medication I have been on for 3 long years. And by god am I shitting bricks.

Luckily I'm in the best position I've been in for a while and, by documenting this, hopefully I'll be able to see how well I'm doing and get to the ultimate goal of being med-free or nearly med-free.

On Monday I had a last telephone appointment with my GP to confirm the plan. Since I'm on multiple medications, my GP decided it was best to tackle them one by one- starting with the one I felt like I needed the least.

This lil' bitch is called Propranolol and it is, according to google, a medication of the beta blocker class. I started this because I was still having problems with palpitations and, after clearing up everything with an ECG where they couldn't find a pulse (funny story), I've been on it ever since.

Like I said I'm lucky enough that now I can deal with anxiety much better and really I don't need the Propranolol like I used to. So this is the first point of call for coming off my medication.

My GP, strangely, thought it was a good idea for me to go cold turkey but I was less convinced. We agreed to go with a plan where I lower the dosage and take it every other day, spacing it out until I didn't need to take it any more.

So far it's going great. I feel heaps better being less drugged up. Of course the withdrawal is setting in and that's something I have to battle but I'm doing fine.

This is a long journey, I know, but one that is well worth going on.

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Petition to remove ANOTHER sculpture on campus

A petition has been launched to remove the pink ballerina sculpture that has been erected in the Architecture Quadrangle on Newcastle University's campus recently.

This is not the first sculpture to appear on campus that has raised eyebrows amongst the student community. Previously 'Clasp' by renowned artist Anthony Gormley appeared at the front of campus next to the Student Union and prompted a petition for its removal.

Student Danny Jones has now created a petition for the removal of the pink and yellow sculpture that depicts a beheaded ballerina.

When asked why he created this petition Danny responded: "The architecture is the most iconic area of campus, directly through the arches and has been preserved to the original university blueprints immaculately

"It holds historic value and is of a gothic theme that correlated to the style of the buildings surrounding the quadrangle

"The art piece is of bright colour and of contemporary design and doesn't fit in at all with the surroundings it has been placed in. I have heard many a person complain about it in my lectures and decided to take action against it.

One response to the complaints about the Gormley sculpture and its opposition was that the sculpture was in fact art. This has also been argued in the case of the ballerina sculpture.

When questioned about this Danny said: "I agree. It is art. However, it's not in an area of campus that benefits from it being there

"Modern contemporary art is becoming evermore popular and this piece is a great example of that.

"It simply does not belong in the current place

Danny's petition can be accessed here: https://www.change.org/p/newcastle-university-remove-the-sculpture-in-the-architecture-quadrangle

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January, January, January

January is always a special month to me. Not only is it a new year, a fresh start, but January is a month of change. This year in particular was a very big January for me, on the 14th I turned 21, surrounded by family and friends, overjoyed at the fact I can now take my young pals to Butlins (sarcasm). It started as January's always do for me, tucked up in bed post New Year celebrations, slight dazed and feeling a certain pressure to change. The whole "New Year, new me" thing has always bugged me. Of course a new year is a fantastic opportunity for change but the idea I have to personally better myself is a weight on my shoulders that I don't need to carry.

January properly began when, hair cut and freshly dyed, I returned to my sweet home of University accommodation. I missed the campus, home will always be with my parents but having this place to myself has proven to be quite soothing to me, going to and from it as I please. No sooner was I back did my resolution to travel more kick into gear. I began planning adventures for the Spring/Summer period. I went on nights out with friends, went to new clubs and had interesting attempts at enjoying oneself in an empty Flares and a very not empty Soho.

Of course the main event of January for me is always my birthday. An initial feeling of being disheartened, due to the busy exam period and my friends feeling they wouldn't be able to come, I was overwhelmed at the sight of all of them in my friend Jen's flat at a surprise party they had thrown for me. This was followed by an incredible night at a David Bowie celebration, dancing and drinking a wee bit, before spending my actual birthday the following day cuddling cats at Mog on the Tyne. It was a truly magical weekend.

I got to do my first escape room and I have to say I am truly hooked. There's a certain bit of me, perhaps the child who was obsessed with the Crystal Maze, who found it fun working out the little tricks and puzzles. Initially terrible and shouty, I have gradually improved. I also spent an incredible and spontaneous week in Copenhagen and Malmo, which I may write about at a later date. It was a special time and certainly an excellent way to celebrate the end of Semester 1 and finishing all of my essays.

The end of January has saw the beginning of my second Semester at Newcastle University. While some of the modules are bordering on dry, others are incredibly exciting and I'm looking forward to discussing them further in February's entry. Winter is inevitably ending but Spring is looking truly wonderful indeed.

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Remembering December

Happy New Year! How awful is it that I completely forgot about this blog post until, over a nicely brewed herbal tea, it suddenly hit me that we are basking in the presence of a new year and also a new month. This marks a year since I set up this blog in particular and, while there have been changes in my style and content, I relish being able to share little bits and bobs with all of you.

December kicked off with my painfully slow recovery from a viral infection. I blame the whole thing on the end of my deadlines, all that adrenaline and suddenly, when my body has a chance to relax, I collapse and end up unable to sleep due to a crippling winter bug. Thankfully a week into December I was back to full health and once again in the midst of Newcastle's Christmas festivities (although your Christmas tree efforts by my flat were appalling, Chester-Le-Street's were surprisingly better.)

With only a week before Christmas I had unfortunately limited time to spend with my friends, whom most of would be leaving for warm family Christmas fun at the end of term. We had the joy of walking in the freezing cold (+snow) when the taxi couldn't get through the park to the venue for the Swingers Winter Ball. All drunken pals to bed, deadlines were to be met and by the end of the week a few almost teary goodbyes occurred as friends left for home.

I spent an extra week in Newcastle, catching up with those I hadn't had time to meet during university, as it slowly sunk in that my first term was at an end. I find it hard to believe that only three months ago I had yet to meet my best friends who I will now be living with next year, and that I didn't have such amazing course mates and friends. I finished my Christmas temp position and come Christmas Eve was very much enjoying the time off.

Christmas was very special this year. Not seeing my family so often has definitely made me realise how much they mean to me (Mum I know you're reading this so I love you.) We had a cracking Christmas dinner (literally) and an eventful boxing day trying to spend the M&S gift card we had received, difficult when you never shop at M&S. Hopefully living in Jesmond next year will teach me how to be extra fancy.

The last few days of December were crammed with work, two essays to complete before my birthday and the inevitable timed essay. Of course I am glad I have no exams to prepare for, my workload was just enough to keep me pottering on and without too much stress. I had a quaint New Year's Eve, spent with friends toasting marshmallows on an open fire before a trip to spoons and then home with the family, as always I was the only one up for New Years and I do hope it's a good one for all of us.

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