Coming off my meds #3

'Sup,

Bollocks. Today was a major setback in coming off my medication. As of Wednesday I was clear of Propranlol and for about 12 hours I was so happy I'd achieved that.

Then shit started unravelling fast, I'd never felt so ill in my life and tbh I don't want to go into details because if it upset my family, it will probably upset you (if you have a heart, if not feel free to ask haha).

I had bloods done on Thursday which came back relatively fine (apparently my liver functioning was slightly abnormal but I'd putting that down to student alcoholism) which unfortunately narrowed it down to being a consequence of the lack of medication.

What sucks about my condition and taking meds for it is that my mind can feel ready to come off them but my body is like nah mate, not happening.

So I've had to temporarily go back on the Propranolol (I'm doing 30mg, which wasn't my original dosage, as it's enough to stop the side effects of coming off). Hopefully I'll be able to have another stab at it after New Year when I've got more company.

It's been harder than I thought coming off my medication with no one around, I've had to deal with my own head for the first time in a long time. It probably wasn't the best time however I'm not looking at it as a failure and its prepared me to do it a second time and do it better.

Also, because I'm clearly a narcissist who loves talking about herself (well not this), a few people have asked-

"Sophie, what the f- is wrong with you?"

Well my dear friends- this.

"GAD is a long-term condition that causes you to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than one specific event"

Basically my body doesn't produce the chemicals it should so the weirdest things cause me to be anxious. I can't naturally deal with situations as well as everybody else however I'm lucky that I'm at a point where I can function normally and I have to say I'm very happy and content with my life and I'm blessed to have some great family and friends.

I'm not giving up, I've faced a lot worse than a little anxiety disorder and I'm confident that it will not define me. If you know me then remember me as Sophie, the girl who got kicked out of MONO or Sophie, the girl who aggressively snapped a bingo pen and got covered in green ink, not Sophie with the anxiety disorder.

I'll update you when we go for "Coming off Propranolol: The Sequel"